Courage

So courage is a funny thing. What does it mean to have courage? In my opinion courage is when you do something you don't want to do. When there is something you fear and you go through it anyway. Like God gives us the strength to get through anything and everything right?! This is a true statement. We can do anything through him. Last year on my DTS I did not want to go to Thailand for outreach. It took me a few hours to decide in my head that this was ok. But in my heart I knew I was going there the whole time. God gave me the courage to get through outreach because it was packed full of things that I needed to learn/deal with. I'm glad I went but truthfully I was scared of a 3rd world country since I didn't know what to expect. It was fun and exciting and I would totally do it again! I have learned this past week to never doubt God for what he does or is going to do. It has really been a roller coaster this week, I think that since all the students from the snowboarders left two weeks ago and now the staff are starting to leave I'm in that grieving stage all over again. It's not as bad as when they left the first time. People come and go and I like to think they take a piece of me with them. Or at least I hope they do! 

It was a Johnny Cash listening week this week for sure! You know that music you can listen to anytime all the time. Well for me that would be good ole Johnny boy. Some people know me well enough on base here that when they hear it on in the kitchen they know it's an interesting day. I really play it when I need to not think of anything or when I'm missing home. 5 of us went to Sumner beach today which is south of Christchurch. It is rainy today but it was a fun hang time with some people I don't know very well. It ended up that all staff went. We sat at a coffee shop for a bit then went to get some fish and chips. Good stuff that is! I never liked fish until I came here to New Zealand. It isn't fishy tasting at all which is totally me! I don't like that fishy taste. In a way it's kinda perplexing because you would think it tastes like fish but when you chow down on it, you have to think then.... BAM!! It blows your mind and you're like wait is this fish I'm eating? I know what you're thinking, this kid is crazy. But I promise I'm not! I just know what I like.... 

BOLDNESS..... This has as well been on my heart this past week. Just the aspect of it and how I can be more bold in a loving way towards people. I'm not afraid to talk to people and generally I get along with everyone. But being bold for God is something I want to be challenged in while I'm here. Whether that be public speaking, or whatever else is up his sleeve. Who knows.... I guess to be more specific it would be boldness in blessing others. I want to bless people in the true way their hearts desire or the way they need to be blessed. As the chef/cook/smiley person I like to watch people from behind the counter (not like a creeper but sometimes maybe). I like to watch how they interact with one another and look or catch a glimpse of what their hearts are like. Seeing them in the way God sees them. Everyone here inspires me to be something more and to thrive in the environment I'm in. Everyone has something to offer and they have the potential to be something amazing. 

I'm praying that when I get home although it will be hard switching to living with 3 people rather than 30 that I can bring that inspiration with me and rub off on the people in the church and the people I meet on the way home. I'm excited to come home and see how things have changed and what people are up to. I know I've changed in the way I think and do things now. You could call it maturity but I think it's from living in a different country and starting from scratch, building a life. I was thinking about this the other day that when I came here I only knew a handful of people. Sure I know people all over the world but here in this little town only a handful. Black or White call it what you want but the bottom line is that........................ God knows what we need when we need it on his timing not our own! I think that's pretty hard for me because as in the western world we want everything now otherwise we think we won't get it! Most of the time we regret our decision. Sometimes not but mostly yes. A year ago I had a business and a good job. I was set but now that I look back on it, I am so blessed to be where I am and doing what I love. 

The future is a gift, if you have to ask, it's not a gift then.....

"Courage"

Take all my vicious words 

And turn them into something good 

Take all my preconceptions 

And let the truth be understood 

Take all my prized possessions 

Leave only what I need 

Take all my pieces of doubt 

And let me be what's underneath 

Courage is when you're afraid, 

But you keep on moving anyway 

Courage is when you're in pain, 

But you keep on living anyway 

We all have excuses why 

Living in fear something in us dies 

Like a bird with broken wings 

It's not how high he flies, 

But the song he sings 

Courage is when you're afraid, 

But you keep on moving anyway 

Courage is when you're in pain, 

But you keep on living anyway 

It's not how many times you've been 

knocked down 

It's how many times you get back up 

Courage is when you've lost your way, 

But you find your strength anyway 

Courage is when you're afraid 

Courage is when it all seems grey 

Courage is when you make a change, 

And you keep on living anyway 

You keep on moving anyway 

You keep on giving anyway 

You keep on loving anyway