Beyond what you see

Beyond the Blue

Stand on the shores of a site unseen

The substance of this dwells in me

Cause my natural eyes only go skin deep

But the eye's of my heart anchor the sea

Plumbing the depths to the place in between

The tangible world and the land of dreams

Because everything ain't quite what it seems

There's more beneath the appearance of things

A beggar could be king within the shadows, 

Of a wing

And wisdom will honor everyone who will learn

To listen, to love, and to pray and discern

And to do the right thing even when it burns

And to live in the light through treacherous turns

A man is weak, but the spirit yearns

To keep on course from the bow to the stern

And throw overboard every selfish concern

That tries to work for what can't be earned 

Sometimes the only way to return is to go, 

Where the winds will take you

And to let go, of all, you cannot hold onto

For the hope, beyond, the blue

Yellow and gold as the new day dawns

Like a virgin unveiled who waited so long

To dance and rejoice and sing her song

And rest in the arms of a love so strong

No one comes unless they're drawn

By the voice of desire that leads em' along

To the redemption of what went wrong

By the blood that covers the innocent one

No more separation 

Between us

So lift your voice just one more time

If there's any hope may it be a sign

That everything was made to shine

Despite what you can see

So take this bread and drink this wine

And hide your spirit within the vine

Where all things will work by a good design

For those who will believe

And let go, of all, we cannot hold onto

For the hope, beyond, the blue

Said I let go, of all, I could not hold onto

For the hope, I have, in you

Ha, so this morning God totally dropped a BOMB on my little heart. It's been a pretty good week in the prayer room, I mean you have your ups and downs - meaning: some days he really speaks or you really listen and other days I get so distracted by what's going on around me that I can't focus. So Yesterday was a crap day for me because of all the distractions around me and I could not focus and 4 hours could not go fast enough. But today was a redemption of that. So my Bomb or nugget as I like to call it. Although it felt like a bomb because of the wide open door it left! 

Alright here we go... 

"Make a wretch his own"

This saying was the saying that made it all click for me regarding Israel. It's been coming up a lot over these past few weeks. I've always avoided this subject just because everyone has their own opinion and I've never been one for big theological debates. I always said to myself that when God wants me to know he'll tell me. And today was that day. So this saying was sung and God dropped this in my heart: 

- God always likes using the weak things of this world 1 Corinthians 1:25-31 tells us that he chose the lowly things of this world to shame the proud. God uses the weakest things on this earth to show his glory. Israel that keeps betraying him, who keeps prostituting herself to the things of this world, he wants to use to show his glory. Romans 10:21 says: "But concerning Israel he says, 'All day long I have held out my hands to a disobedient and obstinate people." He shows that he is wooing her and trying to win her over. The best picture of this in the bible is the story of Hosea when he marries a prostitute and that is representing God and the relationship with Israel. When she keeps giving herself to other men and things and not being faithful to her husband. It's like the GREATEST LOVE STORY EVER! In this way - God is trying to woo his bride by getting all his people to care and pray for her. That's you and I, we are his people. God is going to return for his Bride, whenever that day is it will be a great day. 

I just got so much joy from this. Being apart of something bigger, God expanded my vision past myself and the things of this world. When I was sitting in the prayer room writing all this down in my journal it was such a peaceful feeling that overcame me. 

You can take it for what you want, I just know we are all called to something bigger outside of ourselves. In the world we live in today, it's hard to look outside of ourselves. It's hard, and we are all looking for authenticity. 

Like this song by Josh Garrels. It says: Cause my natural eyes only go skin deep, but the eye's of my heart anchor the sea. I love this line. We can be real shallow people. We need the eyes of our heart to be anchored in a foundation of the Lord's love for us and know what he thinks of us. What we see on the outside can be so different to what we are actually like on the inside. 

We are unique and complicated beings. But that's the beauty of it, we are all unique and different and authentic in our own ways! 

Unless

"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, Nothing is going to get better. It's not."

- Dr. Seuss

This is a loaded quote from the great Dr. Seuss. I love it because it's so simple. Unless someone like you, what does that mean? Since I've been pondering it, I have come up with this answer: that we are all created by God. He has made us all different, we all notice different things. There is only one you, that means that we all have different gifts, callings, mindsets, goals etc. Someone like YOU! I just love that part of the saying there is only one you and it boggles my mind each time because there really is no one else like me. Ok moving on... cares a whole awful lot. We all have different things we are passionate about. If you see litter on the street would you pick it up and put in the rubbish bin? Or just keep walking? I mean that's just one example of what you could care about. There are heaps of other things to care about as well. Anyways back to my point, since YOU are the only you that means you can care a whole awful lot about something amazing! Nothing is going to get better. You have to be you and care otherwise nothing is going to get better. It's not. That's pretty self explanatory. So what is the most important word in this entire quote?

UNLESS

We are who we are, we know what we're about, we know somewhat of where we are going. But UNLESS if we care, nothing is going to get better. It's blowing my mind right now! Just thinking that God made me who I am, he put these desires and passions in my heart and he is the one helping me carry them out into fruition. But it is a two way street, Unless I care about my relationship with the Lord, it won't go anywhere and it won't get better.

  "If you take care of the depth of your relationship, the Lord will take care of the width."  

If we care for the depth of the love the Lord has for us he will take care of the width of his love and the width that he wants to spread his ministry through us. If it's shallow and wide, it won't go far. If it's deep and wide it will go far. Again you could add in the word Unless in the beginning of this quote. So the moral of this post is that unless we care a whole awful lot nothing will happen.  

Glory

"To please God . . . to be a real ingredient in the divine happiness . . . to be loved by God, not merely pitied, but delighted in as an artist delights in his work or a father in a son - it seems impossible, a weight or burden of glory which our thoughts can hardly sustain. But so it is." - C.S. Lewis

I'm reading this book right now that is just rocking me up and down. I love it. This quote pretty much sums up the book. I spent at least a few days just breaking down this quote. The way I can best put it is in the analogy of cooking, when you make something and you need specific ingredients. Each ingredient plays a part in the master piece or divine happiness if you will. When it is done you delight over what you have created. He delights in us so much that he is ravished by one glace from us. Honestly he doesn't need us, he's God. But he delights in us because we are made in his image. The weight of his glory. 

"Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what he is going to do; He reveals to you Who He is." - Oswald Chambers

I honestly think God has the best sense of humor. I always ask what my future looks like just hoping for one glimpse. But God is gracious. I think if he showed me the future I would spend the rest of my life trying to get there. When really I need to enjoy where I'm at. Simply God just wants us to know who he is then he will walk our journey with us. Just the other day I was giving one of my leaders a hard time, in a joking way, I know they work hard to keep everything ticking but we never see them. And that night we were in a large number of youth and we had to split into groups of 5 to pray for specific things. Lo and behold this leader was in my group, out of 120 people and I'm in the same group as them?! I just laughed and said God you have a very funny sense of humor. When it came time to pray for our leaders and "schools" they said "Alright, Courtney lead us out!" with a smirk on their face. I couldn't stop giggling because of how God works. This is just one of the many times in my life God has done this to me. But if I had known that was going to happen I would have probably avoided that group.

He is a good and gracious God. It's really all about him. As interns we were helping out with this group called Emerge. They are an amazing group, once a month they get together with all the youth groups in Tauranga. They pray for the city, schools, families and so on. It's awesome seeing the youth come out in abundance. We had worship to start off and I was taken on a journey back to being 14 or 15 at youth group when the music was sooo loud. I was thinking last night why do youth always have the music so loud? I had a few different thoughts 1. that the youth are so on fire that they turn the music up to keep the enemy out. 2. They need loud music to break in and focus. or 3. They are deaf from listening to their own music. Not too sure but I am going to go with reason #1. I felt like I was worshiping with my snowboarders again. Everyone jumping and dancing. It was so amazing!

Glory to God....

Look MOM I died!

Not really.... So there was this course running up here in Tauranga. It's called Rescue Net. What they do is if there is a natural disaster like the earthquake in Haiti and all the other places, they can get deployed to go and help in these situations. They pull people out of buildings, check to make sure they are ok, bandage anything broken, etc. So the students on this course are put into real life scenarios. In order to do that they needed people to act as hurt people. So I went to help out with two scenarios. In the first one I was supposed to have a broken nose so they put a mixture of cornflour, red food coloring and water on my face without putting vasoline on first. So that means that it dyes your skin for a few days. (another story) So I had "blood" dripping down my jacket, onto my pants and in my mouth so I could spit it out. 

In the second scenario I was terminal. I "hit my head on the steering wheel" so my brain was knocked around  too much and it started leaking out of  my ears. Which they put vasoline in my ears to show that. Which ended up melting down my ears because I was too warm. As well as the black makeup around my eyes to show that blood had seeped into the sinus pockets. So at the end of the night this is what I looked like: 

It was a lot of fun to help out with it, it felt a little weird "dying" but I got over it. I remember when I was part of a mock accident in high school that was fun! This was the same but more fun because I knew the people that were rescuing me. So I titled it this just to show my mom I'm still alive! :)

Funny story:
The next day I went to church and my face and hands were still pretty red. So I scrubbed and scrubbed my face first with lemon juice which ended up with my face burning and stinging, then with soap which didn't do anything! Then I washed it with my face wash and it still didn't really get it off. So being the smart girl I am I wore a red scarf to church which no one could tell my face was dyed red. Then comes Monday and my face was back to normal my hands took about a week or so to come right. 

Johnny Cash & Cooking

Ha I know what you're thinking, how do these two go together? Well for me these are the two things that can help me clear my head and sort out the back room of my brain. Every Monday afternoon we have "personal study time" So I bake and listen to Johnny Cash. When I've finished, I feel completely peaceful and ready for the rest of the day! Along with this time, I get to wear my apron for 3 hours! I know that sounds weird but after 2 years of wearing my apron everyday it is where I feel most home.
So today in the prayer room I was praying and I just could not get my mind off fresh homemade bread! So that's what I did in my personal study time, I made homemade honey & pumpkin seed bread! It filled the house with the best smell and when it was finished breaking off a piece with some butter is just the best ever! Kneading the dough I felt like I was kneading out some of my own stuff. Irony I know.

Thank God for Johnny Cash and Cooking! 

lovesick

Well the second week has finished I'm not gonna lie this week was harder than last week in the prayer room I think it was the fact that it's super cold, there can be many distractions and the fact that I couldn't figure out why god has me here. Until friday it was like a switch went off in my head and in my heart. I journaled about five pages worth of nuggets from the lord telling me that I'm meant to be here in this season to focus on him. Not only on him but on who he is in me. 
From being in YWAM the past few years they are very outwardly focused meaning serve others, focus on the nations, focus on discipleship one on one with people and a little bit of god. Don't get me wrong I absolutely love YWAM and what it's doing in the world. But there are other mission movements out there like THOP. They are focused on the marriage of prayer and missions. Which is a bit of a switch because when you spend 4 hours a day in the prayer room you are being discipled by the lord rather than man. Rather than being so hands on they are more hands off. They want you to wrestle it out with the lord rather than them telling you all the answers. Which didn't settle well with me until I discovered that they are focusing on the foundational values of the lord in you. Because you need to first know how god loves you in order to carry out the first two commandments.
So this second week I've been all over the bible trying to get into it but it hasn't been happening like last week. I've been more focusing on just sitting and journaling a lot. trying to comprehend how the one that created me loves me so much. So Friday was a breakthrough for that. I discovered that its not about my desires or passions it's about him and how and why he loves me so. He just loves and I think he's been knocking on the door for a while waiting for an answer. Waiting to see my face. But knowing myself I'm not very good at sitting still. I'm real good at doing things and filling my time trying to numb the pain of not knowing any better. But he just loves to love.
It's real simple. I didn't realize how simple it is. When you give an inch he gives a thousand miles. He gives his all and we just give 10% or the parts that we think we need fixing. I always knew it was simple but who knew! 
I think the Lord just likes laughing a lot. I mean I know he laughs a lot at me and what I do and what goes through my head. Trying to figure out his plan for the future! How simple it is to worship him where you are! I have this massive snowboard poster in my bedroom, it is of the Canterbury plains down on the south island. It makes me feel like I'm on top of the mountain looking out at his creation. As well that it's all covered in snow helps too. Anyways back to my point, everything is a form of worship, we can be sitting, standing, snowboarding, driving, or whatever. You are constantly doing worship. 
Anyways this is just a post to say that I'm lovesick for him and who he is in me. 


Blessings, 
C